|
Humor
|
|
Written by Niki Shrode
|
|
Sunday, 21 August 2005 |
Update: 8/21/2005 - A Cruise Ship Larger Than An Aircraft Carrier . . . Johnny Depp Shoots Hunter Thompson For The Second Time . . . The Speed Of Light Gets A Boost From Scientists Trying To Speed Up The Internet . . . Disney Throws Fear Into Multiplex Owners . . . A Secret Rendezvous You Can Have This Weekend . . .  
THE SHRODE REPORT Get the News before it gets you!
Onesided News and Biased Information from Earth
©2005 by Niki David Shrode
A Nut Road Studio Production.
|
Read more...
|
|
Fiction
|
|
Contributed by Alexander Phillips
|
|
Thursday, 18 August 2005 |
By Alexander Phillips © 2005
Perhaps due to Wilbur’s care, perhaps Gorgy’s growing self confidence, but the dour St. Bernard recovered some youthful vitality. The dog even performed tricks for Wilbur. However, Gorgy barked with loud annoyance if Wilbur asked the dog to repeat simple tricks or to perform any activity too many times. Also, Gorgy disdained food treats when he completed something successfully. One evening as they played in the backyard, Wilbur identified a ‘ball’ and a ‘box,’ then said to Gorgy, “Bring me the box.” Wilbur quickly learned to fetch the cardboard box, draped by his big slobbery lips. Then Wilbur taught Gorgy to bring ‘the big ball’ versus ‘the small ball.’ Gorgy got so excited, he nudged a bunch of balls from Scott’s old playbox into the grass on the back yard. In the following evenings, Wilbur struggled to teach Gorgy to select ‘the red ball,’ ‘the blue ball,’ the green ball,’ and so on. However, Gorgy could not master this. After sleeping on it, Wilbur realized that Gorgy was color blind in red and green, similar to many men. Thereafter, Wilbur selected shades of green and yellow, which Gorgy differentiated easily. Next, using the kids’ old toy blocks, Wilbur taught Gorgy to recognize letters of the alphabet, a, b, c, d, and so on, as well as numbers 1 through 9.
|
Read more...
|
|
Humor
|
|
Written by Niki Shrode
|
|
Wednesday, 17 August 2005 |
Starter Castles, McMansions and Monster Homes Are Under Attack by Spoil-Sports . . . Grave Robbers Hit Paydirt . . . What Knocks Your Eyes Out, Temporary Blindness Caused By Erotic or Gory Images . . . Teach Your Kids To Read In Their Sleep . . .
THE SHRODE REPORT Get the News before it gets you!
Onesided News and Biased Information from Earth
©2005 by Niki David Shrode
A Nut Road Studio Production.
|
Read more...
|
|
Technology
|
|
Contributed by Alexander Phillips
|
|
Tuesday, 16 August 2005 |
Online Newshour carried tonight a special report, Chimeras: Animal-Human Hybrids. Among other things, Hank Greeley, Stanford Law Professor, discussed (in the online publication) why human cells placed in rat brains would not give rise to human characteristics. But even Greeley said that such an experiment in monkeys, which are much closer to humans, would raise ethical issues.
|
Read more...
|
|
Humor
|
|
Written by Niki Shrode
|
|
Tuesday, 16 August 2005 |
Should Children Have One Hand Tied Behind Their Back? . . . Left Handed or Right Handed? . . . What Can You Learn From The Chimpanzees in Tanzania? . . . Hybrid Car Gets 250 Miles To The Gallon, How To Order One . . . Gypsy Nick Upgrades to 3.2 mhz . . . Lonely Movie Star Commits Marriage . . . Circulation Is Up At Daily Browse . . . Is Shrode Report Advertiser's Darling? . . . Several People At Fry's Electronics Under Investigation . . .
THE SHRODE REPORT Get the News before it gets you!
Onesided News and Biased Information from Earth
©2005 by Niki David Shrode
A Nut Road Studio Production.
|
Read more...
|
|
Fiction
|
|
Contributed by Alexander Phillips
|
|
Tuesday, 16 August 2005 |
By Alexander Phillips © 2005
Gorgy had lost interest in everything, even dogs on television. At times he wailed in a most painful way, as if from aches, although Wilbur could discover no sensitive or disabled places on his body. “I think Gorgy is depressed,” Wilbur said one weekday morning to his wife at breakfast.
“He’s a St. Bernard,” dismissed Winona, packing Daphne’s lunch. “They’re not cocker spaniels.”
“You're depressed,” said teenage Daphne to her father as she collected her school backpack.
“Depressing,” modified younger Scott, grabbing a sugared pastry on his way out.
Wilbur shrugged off the family’s condescension. He was used to it. Because he had the day off from his accounting job at a computer company, he decided to take Gorgy to the local veterinarian. The vet performed a routine examination, discovering nothing unusual. At Wilbur’s request, the vet performed a neurological assessment in the examination room: mental status, gait and posture, cranial nerves reflexes, postural reactions, spinal reflexes and pain perception. The curious dog’s large head drew particular attention, so the vet x-rayed it. “The brain,” said the vet afterward, holding up the black and gray translucent image, “appears unusual, in organization and size, yet I detect no tumor or other disease.” He was puzzled. “Do you know anything about his parentage?”
|
Read more...
|
|
Fiction
|
|
Contributed by Alexander Phillips
|
|
Monday, 15 August 2005 |
The 'Dog' Gets Depressed
By Alexander Phillips © 2005
Within days Daphne recognized that Gorgeous was great at tricks. In a few weeks she had taught him to sit down, shake hands, fetch sticks, stay, come, lie down, roll over, sit up on hind legs, and bark at her command. Daphne began to fancy herself a dog trainer. Because Scott called the dog Gumby, which led to fights with Daphne, Wilbur suggested a compromise name for the dog: Gorgy. It stuck.
An unusual, but not unheard of characteristic, was Gorgy’s doggy interest in television, especially any show featuring a canine, such as Lassie reruns. He delighted in the movie , about talking barn animals and a welsh terrier, watching it over and over. Gorgy would drag the cassette to the player and, if no person helped him, Gorgy would even attempt to shove it in, using paws and mouth.
|
Read more...
|
|
Humor
|
|
Written by Niki Shrode
|
|
Sunday, 14 August 2005 |
Update 8/14/2005: - Apple iPod Disaster May Doom Product . . . Steve Jobs Could Move To Bahrain . . . Major U.S. Company Sucked Down by Giant Whirlpool . . . The King of Cambodia and Angelina Jolie Mystery (developing) . . . Gypsy Nick and Boo have an unannounced meeting with the Feds (details inside) . . . Which Way Is The Wind Blowing? . . . Updates all weekend . . .
THE SHRODE REPORT Get the News before it gets you!
Onesided News and Biased Information from Earth
©2005 by Niki David Shrode
A Nut Road Studio Production.
|
Read more...
|
|
Observation
|
|
Written by Revelation Now
|
|
Friday, 12 August 2005 |
 Insurers have started to calculate coverage assuming global warming facts and real weather trends associated with it, as discussed in the current edition of Science by Evan Mills of the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in California.
Insurance is the largest industry worldwide and affects costs everywhere on the planet, Mills said in the article. It has the potential to change the world's behavior in ways exceeding the power of all governments collectively and all altruistic actions by individuals.
In a summary of the article here, Mills noted insurance's historical power:
"The good news is that the insurance industry has played a valuable historical role in loss prevention," says Mills. "Insurance companies were founders of the first fire departments, building codes, and auto safety testing protocols. But the role they will play in climate change mitigation and adaptation remains to be seen."
|
Read more...
|
|
Fiction
|
|
Contributed by Alexander Phillips
|
|
Friday, 12 August 2005 |
By Alexander Phillips © 2005
The dog seemed anything but special when the family acquired him. The beast was born with a big head, too large to hold up, so that he had a downcast demeanor. He was clumsy and slow and unpleasant. Wilbur, the overworked father of the family, did not want him — did not want any dog, in fact: he knew he would wind up taking care of the pet, no matter what promises the family made. But his daughter, Daphne, was sad because her best friend had moved away. So Winona, Wilbur’s wife, agreed to the idea. Fifteen year old Daphne, scanning the ads in the local weekly, found, “Sweet, loveable, special St. Bernard mix, only $100.” “What’s special about it?” Wilbur asked a little grumpily as he sipped coffee at the breakfast table. He was hunch shouldered and paunchy from office work; gray hairs sprouted in his thinning brown thatch, in his two-day beard, from his nose. If they had to get a dog, Wilbur preferred to rescue a free mutt from the pound. |
Read more...
|
|
